insomnia: hated nemises sense the year 2004

hello fuzz that clouds my brain, my ever persistent friend. i see you took advantage of my sleeping problems and drove me to the point of breaking down. i see Mr. fuzz you love to watch the turmoil that spins out from every situation at hand when i feel like this. Mr fuzz, you are a dastardly foe. using even the dirt on the ground to gain advantage over me, i kindly snub my nose at you.


.....................

i find it to be rather interesting knowing that my creative spark can erupt and diminish in the span of seconds. im getting more and more vague as this all goes on, my thinking gets slower and slower and slower, and god forbid my capacity to withhold and maintain knowledge shrinks and shrinks.
son of a bitch!
that's all i want to say at this point, just fucking dammit.
the sad part about all of this is, i don't think this is going to change yet its something i need to change drastically in order to sustain the path that i have chosen for my self.

i rarely feel the urge to rant about my own life and its problems or the woes that plague my drifting thoughts, but today was just a breaking day. i should say is a breaking day.
so today i cheers to thee, myspace of old, and your journalistic properties, though even ranting about my own life is chance in its self to practice these things i need to practice. so all in all i dont feel all that bad. im just perturbed that it's come down to me talking to my self in order to get over a problem in the short tense.

on a lighter note i wonder if i knew im leaving the country in two weeks? im not sure josh has quite realized this yet, he's a dense fellow. i just hope that he knows everything will feel better, and this path more worth it, once he's held his cutie pie.

he knows this, some where in that thick and handsome skull of his.

my only wish is to never do this again... though that's a wish in vein, for certain things just cannot be helped and i fear that this whole pattern is one of them. and when i say "this" i mean stir my self awake all night long doing inane things better off forgotten instead of even trying to sleep.

but i digress, i am a man with much assumed potential. i think that if i am who i believe im supposed to be, i can rise above the situation, and in lou of it, have something interesting to write about in the future.