and there has always been fission

time for another small update for my self to note..

that when i ask my self, "why am i so fucked all the time" there are only two answers

1) i have always played the middle selfishly
2) im lazy.

this all equals to me attempting to gain the securities i want through others...

i dont apparently do is consciously, i think " hey, i think im going to rip into this situation to make rent easier."
besides.... it never works anyway.

if i were a politician i would be a "flip floper" because there are always issues that i care about on both sides. and lie directly too you, if i want to avoid conflict.

try and try and try... cant do more then that.